Houston, We Have a Problem.

A really big eight-legged problem. When I posted about spiders last time I was complaining about the SMALLER spiders, approximately the size of a dime. I could handle those, no problem (sort of). But now I am finding the BIG ONES IN MY HOUSE.

While Heth was visiting, I had another "hallucination." Everyone has them at some point as they are about to fall asleep. Most people think they see someone walk into the room, or maybe feel a "presence." Me? I see spiders, the-size-of-my-palm spiders falling from the ceiling on top of me. Of course I screamed "help me!!" insanely and scared my husband. I do remember getting really angry at him for not turning the light on. These halucinations look so real and feel very real. I can feel the spiders crawling on me. I know in my mind that spiders that big can't live in the northern U.S. because it's just too cold. But I can't convince myself that it's not real when it's happening.

Anyway, Heth was in the basement playing Wii with the boys. As they were leaving the basement to come upstairs, she just happened to step on a big spider. I'm talking the size of a quarter when it's DEAD. Imagine a spider all wrinkled up dead, the size of a quarter, stretching its legs out to crawl about. It's the size of TEXAS. I'm not even kidding.

So. Today Ethan also stepped on one of these big boys in the basement.

I decided after the kids went to bed tonite that I would just do a little spider check. I do them regularly, I even have a bed-time routine. Check on the bed. Check under the pillow. Check behind the bed. Check the wall behind the bed. Check all the corners of the room. Check the space between the wall and the bed. Fluff the flat sheet up and check in the bed. I CANNOT go to sleep or even turn the light off without checking.

So. I start heading to the basement. I just HAPPEN to look in Eric's t.v. room which is just one level up from the basement (split-level house, this would be the "bonus" room). There, next to the front right speaker is another big one. Dead. I was too creeped out to scoop it up and throw it away. It's still laying there, Eric will have to take care of it when he gets home.

Down in the basement I go. What do I see? A web with a smaller dime-sized bugger on a sheet web connected from the toy box to the floor. Squashed it with a newspaper and destroyed its web. Got creeped out thinking of the horror movies where spider pheramones are used to attract more and more spiders. I just killed a spider, what if it emits pheramones and attracts more spiders?? Seriously, this is what I was thinking.

I check all over. All over. Up the walls, in the beams, between the boxes, everywhere in that basement. Then under the stairs I see another mass. Seriously much bigger than the other dead ones I found. From a distance of about 10 feet it looked to be the size of a golfball. I found another smaller one not far from the golfball-sized one.

I got even more creeped out and started to walk back. I felt web. Immediately I dropped my flashlight and did the frantic wiggle thing to get the web off. As I reached down to get my flashlight I saw a LIVE ONE.

Hello A LIVE ONE CRAWLING. It was then that I realized I was walking around bare foot and could have stepped on it. Where in the world did it come from??? I had JUST walked there and didn't see it. See what I mean?? They are sneaky little creeps. Anyway, it lifted a leg up and then crawled a couple of inches. I literally said What the H-E-double hockey stick word out loud. Seriously, I never swear, but this was too much.

What am I going to do??? What if Emily is crawling around and finds a dead one, or even worse a live one, and eats it??? I am calling Terminix tomorrow and insisting that they come ASAP. I am moving the Wii upstairs and hooking it up to a t.v. up here. I'm making Eric clean out that toy box (it probably has spiders in it) and we are putting it in the boys' bedroom. I'm not making them play down in the basement anymore.

And when I find one in my bedroom? I'll be sleeping in the car or booking a hotel room. I'm not even kidding.